Skeletor Up In This Mother!

Above you can see a very nice picture of my SON! Yep, he flashed his little (it was actually pretty sizable) dingaling and we shall begin buying action figures and wrapping the house in bubble wrap. Below, you can see his face, which can only be described as the arch-villain to HEMAN. Very confusing how my wife is giving birth to a fictional skeleton evil warlord, but I've had a cell phone in my pocket right next to 'the boys' for like 10 years now, so who knows what that does to your DNA.

Anyways, now I must sadly dismantle my office and turn it into a nursery. Sad only because I loved having a "Man-cave" but something tells me I'll love my awesome skeleton son even more.

Dirty Truth

Part of that training I talked about on Monday is that I must think of an idea to better the company. I was actually told if I bettered the company enough they would let someone go, because they could justify not needing as many people. This world is terrible.

I somehow destroyed my back, and haven't been able to stand up straight for a day and a half now. I called my new insurance company to see about an in network provider to fix it, and man were they not prepared for me. "You can see anyone you want, it's the same charge" then I would reply "Yea, but won't I be liable for any overage amounts if I see someone not contracted?" to which they put me on hold for 15 minutes and came back telling me I was right. It's sad that you have to work for an insurance company to not get screwed by one.

But, less than one week until baby pictures, so that's what matters.

Trial Separation

I was recently accepted into the six sigma green belt training through my company, which is a fancy way of saying I am going to be taught how to find problems and fix them. I don't know why people need training for this, but I suppose it's mostly to learn what all the acronyms they throw around mean. Such as SME (subject matter expert). Ah, don't you feel smart? Anyways, they say it will require precisely 25% of my workday for this project, and will take several months. In looking where I can harvest such a pound of flesh, my eyes fall to my already inconsistent comic.

Is this the end of in-between calls? No, but I wouldn't set your clock by how often I update anymore. Really updates will be as spotty as it has been, but I wanted to explain why. OH, and look for pics of the growing baby next Wed, this time with genitalia!

Lemons into Lemonade

The fact that a therapists picked a phone number out of the Ether and tried to pass it off as proof that we were swindling him is exactly why I enjoy my job. People think insurance companies are out to throw bureaucratic red tape around until no one can do anything, and that may be true. But my specific roll in that red tape is to make sure members are protected from devious ne'er-do-wells who would otherwise rob them blind. I'm not supporting my company, but I'm defending my own little corner of it.

March 23rd is the date I find out whether I am buying action figures or dolls for my kid. Hopefully the only time in my life that I will be counting down the days until I get to stare at my kid naked.

Rushed for Time

Yes, everyone laughs at poop jokes. Everyone...who loves America.

Franklin Wunder screening was an unparalleled success. With 165 tickets sold we broke even and have enough left over to submit the film into several film festivals. I look forward to the wonderful problem of picking which festival to go to, since my movie is playing in more than one at the same time.

As for little baby Wiggle (the fetus with half my genetics), things look good, and soon we will know the sex, so stay tuned for that. Never too early to reinforce societal norms of gender rolls. No you can't wear pink, YOU'RE A BOY! It says it clearly on this cigar I'm smoking. Now enjoy your blue until you grow up to be cool enough to wear pink ironically.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen! Frankling Wunder is showing tomorrow, and here's your personal (kinda) invitation. We got a listing in the Willamette Weekly (a local newspaper) as well as the movie section of the Friday Oregonian. Things are looking pretty good for tomorrow, crowd-wise. Even with a bit of last minute song switching due to the music industry being the dumb (a technical term, I assure you) we have the very best work any of the people involved have ever put out. And for a paltry $5, how could you go wrong?

The funny thing is, the Oregonian wrote a blurb saying the movie is about an older man and a young woman, while the Willamette Weekly chose old man and little girl. She's like 27, I wouldn't call her a little girl unless I was her father or something. Weird people at the Willamette Weekly. Fine, upstanding people, but weird.

Minor Details

HA, it's funny cause it's NOT true. The movie is printed on a DVD and is viewable right now. Any work I have done since the DVD was printed is simply tweaking, which is a process that really never ends. That being said, Tuesday night even the tweaking will be put to a halt and a new DVD will be printed and tested. I want at least three days of nothing but breathing room between the premier and the newer print. But again, and I can't stress this enough; There is a finished DVD ready to go.

Feels good. Feels right. See you Saturday at the Hollywood theater!

We are very much looking forward to the start of our new full time employee. The weird thing is that she had to pass a phone tree test, even though her job will not be in a call center.

Franklin Wunder is on a DVD, and will be viewed on a TV for the first time tonight. Hopefully our reaction to it is as good as we hope, because on February 26th, IT'S PREMIERING AT THE HOLLYWOOD THEATER IN PORTLAND, OR! Yay. So fingers crossed that we don't have to make too many changes, it makes me jittery knowing that the due date is approaching and we are still tweaking the film.

In retrospect, I wonder why my wife is at my work. How did she get a keycard?

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! Hope those bitter ladies didn't ruin it for you. What bitter ladies, you ask? The ones who hate this holiday because they feel they have been wronged, or subjected to some personal tragedy that has permanently ruined this celebration of love for them. My guess is the vast majority of them are just angry because someone dumped them. Give them some love, or remind them that there are other fish in the sea. If they say they don't like fish, well then maybe that's the reason they got dumped. Just sayin'.

It's my birthday today, and I didn't feel like making a comic. Not because I was lazy, but because I have been all jazzed up about the little critter above. That, my good readers, is either my son or my daughter. The picture is at 10 weeks, today he/she is about 12 weeks. There was quite a bit of dancing during the photo shoot, so my wife and I call him wiggle. Today is the first day that we are telling everyone, and it has been a wonderful load off our shoulders.

As there is a small but real possibility that this little guy/gal will read this some day, I will write a little time capsule poem for them. (Yes, I took one poetry class in college!)

"A Note To My Child"

Crying, throwing up,
filling a diaper with unfathomable sights
and smells.
Waking me from my precious sleep
every few hours, like clockwork.
How does the baby tell time?
I miss my sleep, but I love my child.

Artwork on the walls, yet no paper in sight.
Washable markers lie in advertising,
the ceiling mural confuses the most.
Hobbies and interests emerge
and retreat,
leaving behind an echo of mess.
I miss my cleanliness, but I love my child.

Hormones arrive and refuse to leave.
Friends and enemies,
interchangeable from week to week,
illicit scandal in equal measure.
Jokingly I mention "Twilight",
a film oozing with angst.
My age is met with rolling eyes.
I miss being cool, but I love my child.

Exponential speed of independence.
Moving out, college and marriage,
hopefully with no steps repeated.
The child calls, but smiles at being called as such,
an adult would be the proper term.
I miss nothing, and I love my child.

So sorry for being out for a while. Let's just say this comic is not so far from the truth.

So the wife and I have made an offer on a house, and the seller accepted. Home inspection revealed that none of the outlets are grounded. So far two separate electricians have confirmed my research that no computer will be safe in this house until that is fixed. As a video editor, computer user, TV watcher, and all around 20-something resident of the 21st century, that worries me. So we are going to get some bids on how to fix it, and then either the seller pays for it, or we walk away.

In the words of a very wise, angry clown - "Homey don't play that."

Empty Victory

157, if you're wondering. My personal best is 158, but I assure you it is not a number I reach with any regularity.

Franklin Wunder trailer is live, people! Go to youtube and search for Franklin Wunder (gasp!) or if you are friends with me or the director, Chris Lang, it's there too. And soon it will be on Wundermovie.com (gasp again!) Oh the marketing synergy is palpable.

Workload

Who did you think I was talking to, yo mama? Ahh...but seriously we are horrendously understaffed and burning out left and right. But enough about work, this is a very special comic. THIS IS THE 200th In-Between Calls!

(Yay...confettii...balloons...high-priced escorts...what?)

In other news, Franklin Wunder has a trailer! Once I go home I will post it, and then add a link on the next posting. It's pretty cool, and for once doesn't oversell the project. I'm looking at you, trailer for Proctor!

Reminder

If you are wondering, it's still a droid phone that saved the day.

Actually, MY birthday is coming up soon, and I don't know what to make of it. The act of turning 27 (shhh, don't say it out loud) doesn't make me feel as mature as being married. That happened while I was 26, so it's almost like 27 has some big shoes to fill. Hopefully this upcoming year will be a big year with Franklin Wunder (which is springing towards the finish line) becoming a big hit. At least on my measuring scale, which is it breaking even.

We shall see.

Low Blood-Sugar

Johnson, no! Eat a graham cracker or something!

Another busy day, but still staying afloat. Someone gave me a square of dark chocolate with chili peppers in it, quite the exotic treat. It deserved to be eaten slowly, and I was more than willing to oblige.

In local news, the snow scare was a no scare. Haaa. No snow = no Dan prancing about enjoying the winter wonderland. Oh well, at least there's winter wunderland...they take nickles!

Poop Jokes!

A stuffed Puddles the Duck playing the U of O theme song over and over led to writer's block, which in turn led to a poop joke being used in lieu of more cerebral fair. What I want to know is, why does she need a mop? Did he just pinch a load right there on the spot? Cause that's nasty.

Calling for snow and ice rain tomorrow. Stock up on granola bars and kitty litter, or whatever Portlanders do when they blow weather events out of proportion.

They're Bionic!

Ahh, the first time (that I can recollect) that swearing has been used in the comic. But that's the joke, that he is being vulgar in a situation that doesn't call for it. I think we're all right.

Friday time, and editing time too. Frankin Wunder has a delightful assortment of musics grafted to the video, and one of the bands supplying the waves of air want to know how their art is being used. I have to export a high quality version and put it on youtube for them to see. DON'T get excited though, because it's going to be private, only for them. Don't bother searching youtube for a sneak preview, you'll have to wait till it's done.

(It's soooo good)

We All Scream...

Busy day, but good day. And yes there was ice cream, but I didn't have any. Trying to be good after the holidays, you know. I did get to look over the resumes of possible candidates for our temp position today, and let me tell you; I have no idea why I don't get every single job I ever apply for. You've got people with two page resumes only because they use 14 font, thinking that more is better. You've got people with a less than stellar grasp of formatting, so they decided to use all formats on the same page. You've got people who put "experience" on their resume that doesn't pertain in any way to the job they are applying to. I don't know, but it was refreshing to see the other side of the application coin, and to know that the class I took on putting together a resume was worth it.

Back in 2011

Get it? I don't know what the heck I'm doing! Ahhhh, Happy New Year and look forward to lots of cool stuff. My boss's son is in my cube stamping everything with my date stamper, or I would type more updates. I played lots of video games over the break, that's cool, right?